Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
