i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
