I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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