He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
