so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
