Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize