During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
