I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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