So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
