Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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