That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
