just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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