Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
