This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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