Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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