We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
