It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
one might say we're banned from that church
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
