Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
