Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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