just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
