So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
