I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
