your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
