this boner is exhausting
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Text me some of your sweat
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
