Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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