Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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