she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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