if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
