I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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