im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
