he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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