we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
