Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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