Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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