He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
