We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
