You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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