Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
