We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
