so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize