would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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