My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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