Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
