Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize