You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
