You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
