just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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