I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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