Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
