I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
