please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
where am i from again
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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