He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
