i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize