her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
