I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
