**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
