So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
