he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.