This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
