sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
