I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I understand Curling. That high.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
